Unexpected Blessings: Our Journey to Parenthood

I am sitting in my living room watching last week's episode of Parenthood on NBC, and oh friends, I am sobbing, trying to catch my breath.

 It's like replaying everything we went through TWICE, and my heart hurts so much I can barely breathe. 

Adoption is not for the faint of heart.

International adoption has its very difficult challenges, and we experienced many of them when we adopted our first child from Russia in 2007. The emotions of waiting, wondering, hoping for the best while imagining the worst, and dealing with post-institutional aftermath can make any mother feel crazy and emotional all. the. time. 

The emotions on both sides when adopting domestically are also stronger than anyone can ever imagine. 

My heart had never been more excited and hopeful and then more broken and disappointed than when we were at the hospital 

four 4 days in 2008 

and again for 4 days in 2009

holding precious newborn babies,


one
We  prepared for from miles away 
for 4 months,
who I loved at first sight 
and held just hours after her birth

and 


one 
who I saw on an ultrasound,
whose birth mother's hand I held
as I watched him enter the world, 
whose umbilical cord I cut... 

Both were babies we were told we would be taking home as our children...

 and then it didn't happen.

I wasn't able to carry a baby to term. We kept having miscarriages after seeing healthy babies on ultrasounds so we questioned if we were meant to have any biological children. We had already planned to adopt children so we believed the time had come. We felt with each adoption opportunity, we were following God's plan, going wherever He led us. We felt that this was our chance, that adoption was the way the way we would be blessed with another child... 
and it wasn't happening either. 

I will never forget the feeling, the way it felt being told, 

"She's not giving you the baby." 

It felt like I had been punched really hard in the chest and stomach at the same time.

 I couldn't breathe.

Tears ran down my face so quickly I couldn't stop them from flowing.

If you have ever lost a baby, although these babies were not biologically ours, we had  them and then had to say good-bye, so I imagine it felt similar in a way. It was kind of like having a miscarriage had felt for me too.... except these babies were still alive. I had held them in my arms, kissed their sweet heads, sung lullabies as I rocked them, and dreamed of what their future would be.  

They just weren't ours.

My heart literally hurt, and a piece of it was gone and changed forever.. 

It was the worst thing I've ever been through...twice. 

Thankfully, God kept giving us hope, and we chose to accept what had happened and keep hoping His plan was greater than ours. Our hearts ached from so much disappointment, and our arms ached for the babies who we had held for those special days, but we had hope.

We are thankful our story has a happy ending.   

We brought home our beautiful daughter from South Korea a year later. When we learned she was born the day we were told the little baby girl above was going home with her birth family, we knew God had created this precious little girl just for us, not the one we had once believed.

We were meant to adopt this child as our own.   


She is my sweetheart. I love having a little girl.

AND THEN

We were asked to adopt that sweet baby boy in my husband's arms pictured above, the second baby we said good-bye to when his birth family decided they weren't letting him go. Look at this precious face.

He is such a gift, full of humor, laughter, and love.

AND THEN

 God blessed us with a biological teeny tiny micro-preemie, an EXTRAordinary Miracle baby who fought for 7 months in the NICU to survive against all odds. We were told at 18 weeks gestation that he quite possibly had Trisomy 13, 18, or 21. We were told to be prepared for the worst (death) should it happen. He stopped growing around 22-24 weeks. His heart nearly stopped twice before he was delivered at 26 1/2 weeks. He coded at birth, fought through infection after infection, and had a large mass in one of his lungs. 


By the power of prayer and grace of God,
He got stronger. 


He was healed.


The big mass in his right lung? GONE.





He survived. 

He has no Trisomy. He came home with oxygen and a g-tube a year ago,
but look at him now.


He is thriving. 

Just writing this makes me want to run and pick them all up out of their beds and hold them close to me. I thank God every single day for my children and for my husband. We went through so much loss, disappointment, and heartache, and then look what He did, 
all in one year.


Sometimes the plan God writes for us is so much greater than our own. 


We planned, and we tried to fulfill that plan on our own.
Then we waited, and we followed His lead.
We hoped, we cried, and we hoped some more. 
And this is what He did.

Our little six year old who has a heart of gold made our dream of becoming parents come true when we brought him home. He was a tiny, malnourished, understimulated, developmentally delayed former 27 week preemie, born under the worst of circumstances in Russia and left alone in a hospital for months before going to an orphanage for over a year. Look at him now.

He is thriving, full of joy and light, and is the sweetest big brother and child.  



He makes my heart smile every time he looks at me with his big green eyes.

His dream of becoming a big brother didn't happen like he (and we) planned with high hopes, not once but twice, but then it came true not once, not twice, but 

THREE times in ONE year! 



He couldn't be happier.

And neither could we.

This song makes me tear up every time I hear it, and I play it often. 

If you've never heard it, or even if you have, read the words. 
Take a listen. 
It's so beautiful.

 We pray for blessings 
We pray for peace
 Comfort for family, protection while we sleep 


We pray for healing, for prosperity 
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering 
All the while, You hear each spoken need 
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things


 'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops 
What if Your healing comes through tears 
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
 Are what it takes to know You’re near 


What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise? 


We pray for wisdom 
Your voice to hear 
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near 
We doubt Your goodness, 
we doubt Your love
 As if every promise from Your Word is not enough 


All the while, You hear each desperate plea 
And long that we'd have faith to believe 


 'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops 
What if Your healing comes through tears 
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
 Are what it takes to know You’re near 


And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?


 When friends betray us 
When darkness seems to win 
We know that pain reminds this heart 
That this is not, this is not our home 
It's not our home 


 'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops 
What if Your healing comes through tears 
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
 Are what it takes to know You’re near 


What if my greatest disappointments 
Or the aching of this life
 Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy 


And what if trials of this life 
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights 
Are Your mercies in disguise?


 --"Blessings" by Laura Story

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

Romans 15:13

Many Blessings,